Why not let your children be their age?

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Halloo,

It is all well and good to preach individuality and loving oneself, especially to young people and vulnerable adults. But I speak from experience that it is not easy. Wanting to fit in or be part of something is what comes naturally to most of us as humans. Moreover, it is way easier than standing out like a sore thumb when you are by yourself.

Many of us can remember what it felt like to be left out, especially in our impressionable years. I remember doing some really silly things to make others like and accept me. Making the right impression on my peers was so important to me that I will do almost anything to keep their friendship.

It takes years and experience to realize and appreciate my uniqueness and sense of individuality. I won’t expect my daughter to be on the same level as me right now, she is not even half my age. She is bound to make her own mistakes. My job is to help her navigate and deal with these mistakes in a healthy manner, using my own experiences.

When dealing with our young ones let’s not forget how it was for us at their age. The pressure, the fears, and our vulnerabilities in the face of society at large. let’s be a stabling form to them rather than forbidding and adding to their troubles.

Most young people in our care are confused not just by the demands of outside forces but by us. We placing on them unrealistic rules and regulations that may have been valid in our own time but unfortunately, the world has moved on from.

Some of these archaic rules were not even valid at any time in history, if we take a proper look at them we will all realize how damaging some of them are to us.

Some people are fully grown adults with no sense of whom they are because their identity has been forced from them at a very early age, so they can fit into the parent’s desire for perfection. They cannot truly say who they or what they want. Yeah, it’s that bad.

I am not out to judge anybody! I just want to give the coming generation a fighting chance at progress not just to themselves but to our community.

I have a friend who always says “ You can not put a young head on a old shoulder”

You have to let these children live. Let them breathe. Let them discover who they are, not who you want them to be. Stop forcing them into your desired box. This might help significantly with their mental health as they go through life.

Their lives are complicated enough without you adding your unrealistic expectations to it. Be fair. Remember how it was for you when you were at their age. Let them be young. Let them be their age.

My 14-year-old son is left-handed. He also had poor fine motor skills when he was young, he had to go for therapy. It was a very trying time for him and us, his parents. I remembered we were at an African gathering and he handed me something and this random woman lightly smacked his hand for doing so with his left hand.

I was not happy. I explained to the woman that he is left-handed. She said it doesn’t matter, that it is rude to give anything to your parent with your left hand.

If this happens now, I will tongue lashed this woman severely. I have had enough of all these aggressive behaviours in the name of culture, religion, or whatever. I don’t take this quietly anymore. I could give you several examples of how the lives of young ones are been destroyed with all these ridiculous beliefs.

Image and impressions shouldn’t matter more to us than the welfare of those in our care. Some of these beliefs have no place in religion or tradition, they are adopted by one person and passed on as the norm.

I am not speaking against teaching your children morals. We are there to teach them right from wrong. Not just by our words, but by our actions too.

The definition of what constitutes moral is no longer clear. I find what many guardians are forcing on their wards as morals to be questionable.

Moreover the biggest mistake is to take a one-approach attitude towards parenting. It is just a disaster waiting to happen. It is like comparing siblings to each other in their presence, no good can ever come out of it.

We all have different personalities, especially children. The way you dealt with one may not necessarily work for the other. Even twins may need different approach.

It is all good to forbid this and forbid that, but take time to properly engage with your wards. Make sure they are happy and coping. You can buy them the whole world, send them to the best schools, even pray with them daily. If you don’t engage with them and let them be comfortable voicing out their worries, joys, and aspirations without being judgmental, all will be for nothing.

Before you crucify me, let me state clearly that I am not an expert in parenting. I have no perfect formula on how to raise a perfect child. I am sure I am making my own mistakes as I navigate raising my children. But, I don’t want to make the same mistakes I noticed while growing up. And it saddens me to see others still recycling these damaging mistakes on their children. If there is a chance I can get them to see reason, it is worth a try. don’t you think so?

Stay with me,

Ruka

About Post Author

Ruka

My name is Ruka. Born and bred in Nigeria. Now living in Ireland. I am a Woman, Feminist, Wife, Mother, Muslim, Black, and African. I am an Entrepreneur who also works in Finance Administration. I am a Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Warrior. I love writing and hope to make a name for myself doing it.

rukaganiyu5@gmail.com

https://www.rukasplace.com

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