How To Find Out If You Are A Toxic Person

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Halloo,

You do realize it is not always other people’s fault, don’t you? Sometimes you are the one with the toxic traits. Yep! Sad but true.

Don’t despair, we all have one or two toxic traits in us. Perfection only exists in statues and dolls. Just don’t go around blaming others for your own shortcomings.

There are people that are so difficult to be around. They are either moaning or they know it all. Some people hang around to knock your confidence or they are just there to take, take, take and never give anything back in return. Isn’t it a shock to realize that this is possible for you?

You know how you read something or hear someone say something and it hits you like the person was talking to you? That is how some people came to the self-realization that they may be the toxic ones? Nothing bad here. Unless you are a narcissist, who can never admit to getting anything wrong, you are a human being, just like the rest of us.

I won’t go blaming myself, if I were you, just yet. Most times circumstance is what brings out toxicity in us. Or simply you and the other person may have a personality clash. Sometimes though you are what you are- a toxic person. No other way of sugarcoating it!

When others love you or hate you it is not always random. Your actions and behaviour have something to do with it. It is okay if you don’t give a damn either way. But, please be a good version of yourself. Don’t go all out to please people. Don’t go all out and piss people off too.

Being an asshole is nobody’s, ideal mate.

Be someone you won’t mind spending time with. someone you are proud of. Someone you don’t need to hide from. Be honest with yourself. If you crave relationships with others then be amiable without losing yourself.

It is normal if you are out there lonely and really wish to connect with someone. This is your truth. That doesn’t make you a people-pleaser. You just crave what is natural. Human beings are social animals by nature. If you are having problems connecting, do check yourself.

Have a look at these questions and answer them honestly:

• Do you guilt-trip people to get your own way?
• Do you disclose shared confidences to others?
• Do you tell lies to gain sympathy?
• Do you want others to make your enemies theirs too?
• Are you easily jealous that you can’t be easily happy about your friend’s achievements?
• Do you accept toxic behaviours from others?
• Do you always see yourself as the injured party?
• Do people always leave you?
• Do you crave approval so badly that you are willing to do anything for it?
• Do you give compliments laced with negativity?
• Do you respect the boundaries of others?

Deal with it. If you are lucky to realize that you rub people off the wrong way and you know why. Confront these traits. If you want to change, start doing so. If you don’t want to change because you think this is you, that is equally fine, as long as you are aware of it.

How many times have we kept some people at arm’s length because we can’t deal with their personality? A lot. I am hardly on fighting terms with anybody. I learned earlier on to detach myself from situations I find stifling. No harm is done.

Most people don’t even realize they are the toxic ones. They go about blaming others. The rule of thumb is -if you are constantly falling out with a lot of people, you need to check yourself. If different people are complaining about the same thing you do, then you need to step back and do a personal audit.

I know I have my own shortcomings, one of them is that I am easily angered. This is the reason I always give room and chances for unknown circumstances before walking away from a treasured relationship. If I start suspecting that I am getting on someone’s nerves or the person is being off with me, I will ask the person indirectly, to watch closely and carefully.

If I decided to walk away after observation, I still give room for the fact that the person may be going through some personal problems. So, if the person reaches out, I know I was wrong. But if the person never did I know I was right. Life taught me this. I have made a fool of myself on numerous occasions hanging on to people who stopped being interested a long time without me realizing it.

Note! People like this will properly see you or call you months or years later to accuse you of not keeping in touch. I just nod and shrug. Some of us don’t really know what we want. We fail to realize that everyone has one or two problems they are dealing with. If someone keeps checking, calling, or texting you they care. No matter what you are going through if you value their relationship don’t neglect them. If you are going through a problem fine, but reach out once the storm clears a little. Toxicity can be both ways!

We want people to accept us for who we are but let’s not forget to take into account that nobody wants to be around people who drained them physically and emotionally.

Do find a balance, will ya?

Thanks a lot for reading. Please, your contributions to this post will be appreciated in the comment section below. Help by clicking like and share with your friends. Also, don’t forget to join other subscribers to receive notifications of new posts by email. I appreciate it.

Stay with me,

Ruka.

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About Post Author

Ruka

My name is Ruka. Born and bred in Nigeria. Now living in Ireland. I am a Woman, Feminist, Wife, Mother, Muslim, Black, and African. I am an Entrepreneur who also works in Finance Administration. I am a Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Warrior. I love writing and hope to make a name for myself doing it.

rukaganiyu5@gmail.com

https://www.rukasplace.com

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