STAY-AT-HOME MUM, COME OVER HERE!

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Halloo,

Are you a stay-at-home mum? Yes? Good! Bring your chair closer, I want to talk to you.

This lamenting need to stop! You choose to stay home and look after your children and home. Feeling sorry for yourself about a decision you made is really counterproductive. Unless this decision was forced on you. If so yours is a different matter to what I want to talk about here.

Recently a video clip of a popular Nigerian Female Pastor surfaced online. This pastor advised her female congregation to go out and work. She said it is not dignified for women to be totally dependent on their spouses, especially financially. She advised the women to go out and earn a living.

The outcries from some women to this message has been very loud and condemning. I think it’s really pathetic. I personally think her words were taken out of context. But she is a very controversial person with some questionable ideas about life that I am not particularly fond of. I am not sure that these outcries are based only on this sermon and not on her personality as a whole.

Bottom line is she has expressed her view, let each person take it as they see it. I don’t see what the trouble is except that we love to blame others for misleading us when all they are doing is saying it as they see it. Interpretation is your own.

The decision to stay home or not is down to you and your partner. Not your religious leader, not something to be forced on you. And for your information, those career women who you think are looking down on you or may truly be looking down on you are not having it so rosy. The grass always appears greener from faraway.

Why let clueless people ruin your happiness? You make a decision to stay home and be with your children, why worry about being looked down on by women who go out to work? take pride in being a mum!

What’s up with you? No one is allowed to have an opinion anymore just so you won’t be upset. Get real, and stop being touchy about every subject under the sun. These days people can’t have opinions without being attacked.

The problem is that you don’t really know what you are doing and have no trust in your own self and your judgement. Maybe instead of valuing yourself from the opinions of others, you should do a proper soul searching and see if you are truly happy with your decision.

We all do what we do for different reasons. We can only form opinions based on what we know or our experiences. If someone comes out to say women should go out to work and stop being dependent on their husbands for everything, the person must have reasons for that opinion. And I am sure it is not a view that is being rammed down your throat.

Only a narrow-minded person will say that a stay-at-home mum is having the best time doing nothing. Wow! I can’t even begin to explain how totally wrong that is.

Either way, you can’t win- if you choose to be a working mum, you are made to feel guilty for not being there to raise your children. If you decide to stay home and raise your children you are considered a no-good lazy woman who waits on her partner to pay for everything. Sad really!

I think I am in a good position to present each side of the story. I am a working-mum, but I was once a stay-at-home mum. I have been there, I know the story. I live in Ireland, far away from my country of birth, Nigeria. The help and community support for young mothers were not available to me. To cap it all I am not exactly a social person, so mostly I do everything by myself and my husband.

Why do we need to attack each other? Everyone makes decisions that suit them best, it doesn’t mean they are better than you or you are better than them. It is just survival.

I get it. You make decisions that don’t sit right with you but because you are considering your partner and children, you stick with it anyway. It is that selflessness that defines the strength of a woman. But let it not ruin you. I know that everything is not that clear cut. But be sure that you are not doing anything so that you won’t be judged harshly by society. It will ruin you!

I have read, heard, and see women from both sides of the table attacking each other and I think most of these women are missing the point——-EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT.

What works for me may not work for you. Nothing wrong in having a healthy debate and presenting your point of view and opinion. After all, it is based on your own experiences. But when we start going as far as belittling each other for life decisions made, I think we need to draw a line.

It hurts a lot when I hear a woman referring to herself as just a mum, just because she is a stay-at-home mum. It annoys me when I hear others referring to women who stay home to look after children as just mums. What nonsense! Parenting is a job. Women who stay at home are professionals.

Let me tell you this- parenting, when done properly, is a profession. I can even go so far as to say it is a combination of a lot of professions. A stay-at-home-mum is not just a mum. She is a mum, wife, nurse, coach, teacher, driver, psychologist, cleaner, cook, friend, the list is endless.

Building the future generation is very important!

A happy parent will be in a better position to do a more effective job than one who would rather be elsewhere. Some people are physically present at home for lots of hours a day but they are not emotionally present. While some people are only present for a few hours but every part of them is fully engaged with their wards.

What every woman should aim for is how to do the best for their family without feeling resentful.

A woman who stays home watching YouTube videos and getting involved in online fights is hardly going to be a good stay-at-home mum. A woman who goes to work come back tired and never creates time to make sure her children are truly okay is hardly our perfect example of a working-mum.

A Perfect Stay-At-Home Mum

A woman who chooses to stay home after weighing all her family circumstances and decide this is the best thing to do. She then takes the job seriously. She makes sure her children or wards are taken care of physically, mentally, and emotionally. She does all these without ignoring her own health. That is our example of a perfect working-mum.

All these activities are time-consuming and draining. But she chose to do it. This is her profession. A deserving partner will not make her beg before giving her what is her due. She rightly worked for it. Frankly, I fail to see the amount of money that can rightly pay for all her work. Make no mistake about this, she is not a machine. There will be days she doubts herself and wonder if she made the right decisions or maybe she would like to be out there working too. But with the right supportive partner and appreciation, she will always get through difficult stages like these.

A Perfect Working-Mum

Then comes the woman who looks at her family circumstances and choose to be a working mum. For her to be someone worth emulating she has to make sure that no matter how small, she creates time for her children. It is not always easy because at the end of a workday most people are exhausted, not to talk of battling with slow-moving traffic. When she finally gets home she is irritated and not in the mood for children’s shenanigans. But she always finds a way.

Her day off is spent making sure her children are loved and cared for. Those few hours are used judiciously. The feeling of guilt is sometimes very present and some situations may occur that makes her doubt her decision to go out working. Bottom line is she will overcome and do what is right for her.

Do your job of raising your children as best as you can and what anyone thinks won’t be your problem. Be a good example for those in your care.

Most people who made decisions based on what society will say or have their hands forced into a situation they aren’t happy with are the one complaining. Instead of concentrating on how to resolve their internal issues they put efforts into whining about the views of the other people on the opposite side. Getting angry for being judged or looking down on.

Some women choose to go to work because they can’t hack being home all day and need those interactions with others. Does that make them bad mums? I don’t think so.

To some people going out to work is not just about building a career, it is about having regular contact with others apart from their immediate family. A chance to protect their mental health. It is hard for some women to prioritise themselves over the demands of family life. They will feel happier and fulfilled going out and work.

You do know that some families can only survive on 2 incomes. What are they supposed to do? Such women should stay home to make you feel happy and not judged? I don’t understand. You choose to take advice or listen to someone who is airing her own view. The burden is on you, mate!

I know women who stopped working to stay home and look after the children when they realised it was too demanding to do both and keep their sanity. So they are not modern women or are they lazy? Anyone who believes that should go for a brain scan.

I also hear some deluded human beings calling themselves feminists claiming that all women should work and staying at home is a form of repression. Dear God! This type of stereotyping is what made many women stay home and also forced some women to go out to work against their better judgements. Why?

As a feminist myself, I am disgusted. A true feminist should know that ability to exercise your God-given rights and to make choices as you wish is the foundation of feminism. A woman who chose to be a stay-at-home mum of her own free will is hardly repressed.

By the way, who even says you only work when you leave your home?

Is taking care of the home and children not work enough? I am exhausted dealing with all these so-called modern-women referring to themselves as feminists. Some stay-at-home mums are more in tune with feminism than some of these men-haters disfiguring the work of many great women who have fought gallantly for women’s rights.

While you are feeling sorry for yourself over the opinion of people that don’t matter please remember that there are single women who are raising children and working all by themselves. No help from any partner!

Let’s respect what each of us brings to the table. For me, it has never been about who is right or who is wrong. It is always about doing what is right for me. If one decision is not working out, I change it.

Ask a group of women to name careers, you will hear doctors, lawyers, nurses, business, accountants, marketing, technologists, teachers, engineers, etc. It will take a long time before you hear anybody say parenting, that is if it is mentioned at all. And yet this is a very important profession in my view.

What can be more rewarding than raising well-balanced children in these troubling times? But do you have to stay home 24/7 to do it? I don’t necessarily think so.

My advice for every woman out there is- TRUST YOURSELF! Please do. Let the decisions you make be entirely yours, know why you choose to do what you are doing. Take pride in your decision. If a particular choice is not working out for you and you choose to go the other way, do so. You owe no one any explanations.

That you are home raising a family and not out there building a career doesn’t make you less of a woman than others. That you chose to build your career over raising a family doesn’t make you selfish. That you chose to do both and work hard at keeping a balance doesn’t make you a bad person. We are all doing the best we can. There is no one definition of what a woman should be or do.

This way the naysayers will have little or no impact on you. Even if we talked till we have no more saliva in our mouths some people will still strongly believe their way to be the best way and will continue to put others down in the name of giving advice. Just don’t let them belittle you!

Thanks a lot for reading. Please, your contributions to this post will be appreciated in the comment section below. Help by clicking like and share with your friends. Also, don’t forget to join other subscribers to receive notifications of new posts by email. I appreciate it.

Stay with me,

Ruka

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About Post Author

Ruka

My name is Ruka. Born and bred in Nigeria. Now living in Ireland. I am a Woman, Feminist, Wife, Mother, Muslim, Black, and African. I am an Entrepreneur who also works in Finance Administration. I am a Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Warrior. I love writing and hope to make a name for myself doing it.

rukaganiyu5@gmail.com

https://www.rukasplace.com

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