My Weird Love For Solitude

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Halloo,

I have stated on numerous occasions that I am an introvert. I always advised my readers to bear this in mind when reading some of my posts, as it may explain my views.

My love for solitude is not due to any health problems, this is just my nature. It helps me a lot with every aspect of my life. It defines who I am. And gives me the opportunity to be more in tune with my natural gifts from God.

In this period of lockdown due to Coronavirus outbreak, it dawns on me how much people do not like solitude. I am afraid that people like me who quite find it easy and enjoy it may not know what that feels like.

I see people desperate to have the lockdown lifted so they can go out. Taking huge risks even when it has nothing to do with their livelihood, just for them to be going about. I can never understand it. That is the truth.

Some people find it hard to believe I am an introvert because I am outspoken, opinionated, friendly, and appear quite confident.

Yes, I am all these things and more. Just so you know, I do socialize occasionally. I love music and like to dance. I love meeting people and hearing their stories. I also have no problems being in crowded places. In fact, I love it. These are the things enjoyed by extroverts, no doubts.

I am an introvert because my need for alone time supersedes all the above. I have to recharge more often than extroverts after interactions with people. I don’t hate people, just that my experience with people can be wearying.

I can stay indoor for weeks without being bored. To be honest I like it a lot. I have done that several times. Most of my daily interactions with people outside my immediate family members occur at work. I am lucky to work with amazing people. For me, that is enough socializing for the day.

An extrovert can handle going to a party after a long day at work. I can’t. Socializing shouldn’t feel like an obligation, but some socializing feel like that to me. Maybe because I take other people’s experiences and situations very seriously and they have a huge impact on my senses. I really don’t know.

I am forever wondering how some people do it, moving from one party, function, social engagement to another. Every weekend. I simply can’t. I will need weeks to recover from one before going to another. I decline invitations a lot. But if I accept, I always try to show up unless my health interferes with it.

I know many people here in Dublin who think I am snobbish because I don’t attend these parties. I can’t help it if anybody feels like this, my inner circle of friends know that I am not a snob, I just don’t get as much satisfaction from these parties as many people do.

At most I go to 3 or 4 functions a year. Sometimes none at all. I would rather have an intimate dinner or go for coffee with a few friends and have stimulating discussions than parties where we all can hardly hear each other speak.

I go to those loud functions if it is extremely important or I have huge respect for the celebrant. I generally avoid them as it takes me ages to recover from them, I find them too draining.

I won’t call myself shy or quiet. People who know me will scream when anybody regard me as quiet, they will have a fit. I have a wicked sense of humour and I am very talkative, especially on topics I feel strongly about. You will have to beg me to stop talking.

Now, if my spirit doesn’t agree with someone and I am not comfortable around the person that is when I appear to be shy or quiet. I can’t help it; it is just my nature.

I won’t lie, sometimes I find other people tiring and just want to be by myself. After brief interactions, I need to switch off and recharge. This is not out of malice; it is what my body and mind need to relax. I think this applies to most introverts.

I enjoy my own company a lot. I like being alone with my thoughts, to analyse them. I look back at events and situations and try to make sense of what occurred. That is why when I am in discussion with someone most of these things have been thought about deeply.

I remember as a teenager I tried to be outgoing and extroverted. My first break from home was to go to school for my third-level education, far from my parents’ restrictions. My first taste of Liberty. I partied really hard. But I wasn’t enjoying it as much as I dreamt. I tried to tell myself that I just need to do more partying and I will start enjoying it. No, it just made me miserable.

Most of the times after these parties I will be drained and exhausted, while my friends are ready to go for more. I kept this up for a couple of years until I realised that I can still enjoy music and dance all by myself without going to parties. That is exactly what I did and still doing.

I have no strong needs to belong to any group, in fact I love my individual nature, I don’t do groups. I like my freedom, my ability to do what I like when I like without seeking permission from anyone, or fear of upsetting anyone.

I am a creative person, maybe that is why I love solitude. I find it hard to think when I have too much going on around me. I also noticed a lot, I won’t say I am good at reading people, I am just very observant. I pick vibes off people other may not picked.

Right from childhood, I have always been curious about lots of things. And sometimes go to the extreme to satisfy my curiosity. Ask my poor mother and late father, the number of troubles I landed them in was too numerous to count. I believe this to be due to my introverted nature.

My mind constantly wants to know things. I don’t get answers for it by socializing constantly. Instead, solitude is more rewarding, calming and peaceful for me. I hope many people use this period of lockdown to enjoy a bit of solitude instead of constantly worrying about going out and partying.

Yes, I don’t understand a lot of social cues and sometimes at a loss what the other person might be trying to say to me. I try to tell people to be direct with me in passing information and request, if not I may not get their meaning. I think it is due to not socialising a lot.

This is my life as an introvert. It is a peaceful life, Strange to some people, but suits me fine. I am always there for people who needs me. I keep my circle small because that is all I can handle. I am polite and kind to everyone I meet. I am not shy. I am a strong independent woman, who happens to love being alone.

Thanks for reading. Are you an introvert too? Let me hear your views in the comment section below.

Stay with me,

Ruka

About Post Author

Ruka

My name is Ruka. Born and bred in Nigeria. Now living in Ireland. I am a Woman, Feminist, Wife, Mother, Muslim, Black, and African. I am an Entrepreneur who also works in Finance Administration. I am a Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Warrior. I love writing and hope to make a name for myself doing it.

rukaganiyu5@gmail.com

https://www.rukasplace.com

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