A few Pointers For African Parents In Ireland

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Halloo,

Parenting is a topic that I am not particularly comfortable talking about. Why?

Simply because I have no perfect formula for raising a child. In my opinion all the methods I have read or heard about raising children are good but not perfect.

But recent developments made it impossible to ignore parenting, especially in the African community in Ireland.

The Irish General Election held on the 8th of February this year opened a lot of heated arguments on the behaviour of our African youths. Most of us saw the video circulated by one of the candidates for campaign. This individual is against the Irish Society being a Multi-Cultural Society.

There are so many things upsetting about this campaign. The video is all about Black boys fighting and constituting public nuisance in different parts of Ireland. It was really difficult and upsetting to watch.

My stance is for us, especially Africans, to speak against this kind of campaign with a united voice. This is Fascism. This is how genocide, and other atrocities in history started and if we stand by and let this happen, we might be next.

Moreover where are the other ethnic races in Ireland? Why weren’t there videos of them? Why did this person and others like her feel so bold to openly attack a group of people to gain traction in the election? Are they speaking for majority of Irish people?

But, more importantly, who are these African kids in the video clip?

Surely they have parents. How happy are they seeing their children in violent online videos like this? I cannot help but wonder. At least some people are bound to recognize these kids and know who their parents are.

Where did the parents got it wrong?

I have always maintained that ‘Anything worth doing is worth doing well‘. This applies to all aspects of our lives, parenting included. Our job is to turn out decent individuals into the world. We can never be sure of how the turn out will be, but we can put the best efforts in, then pray and hope for the best.

I have no desire to judge how someone choose to live their life. But when the product of your choices are going to affect our society, I think I have earned the right to judge.

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I have listen to so many people talking on this matter. Many people blaming Single Mothers/ Parent as the cause of all this. How true is this? I am not convinced that all those kids are from broken homes. There are children behaving badly out there that are not from broken homes. Some children are damaged from a turbulent 2-parents home. I also know some well-behaved kids raised by single mothers.

For me, I strongly believed that stability, love, time, and understanding are important to the proper growth of any human being. That does not necessarily mean both mother and father have to be present. In fact the presence of both could be the instability that will destroy the home.

We can’t raise our children properly when we have no time for them. Many parents are in their homes but they are not present. Some of us spend all the time we claim to be at home on social networks, commenting on things that add zero value to our life. Some move from one social function to another, partying every weekend. Going into debt all in the name of socializing. While the children are left to do exactly as they please.

Most children don’t really listen to what we tell them to do. They follow our examples. When they see you spending your life messing around, that is their templates for what life is about. You engage in public fights and you think your children won’t?

The shameless behaviour of some of us are being passed on to the younger generations. Yet we are quick to point accusing fingers elsewhere.

The sad thing about it is that innocent people are being branded with the same stick as these shameless people. Dignified people who practice self-control and task themselves to make sure they do all they can to make their wards responsible human beings. Yet lumped together with people without any iota of self-respect.

We may all have a vague idea of the dos and don’ts of parenting, but who really have the perfect formula? I don’t think anybody does. If you do feel free to share with us.

My approach is to try not to damage my children’s mental health while still maintaining discipline. I strive for them to trust me. I try to be open-minded because how it is in their world is different to ours. The world is constantly changing and we have to acknowledge that.

We can never know everything about our wards. Their needs and personality are evolving and changing. We can only support and guide them by giving them stability and discipline. They need structure. They need understanding, they need support and guidance. They need love.

A home where the parents cannot maintain authority without violence is not healthy. Violence is what most African parents consider as authority or discipline. These children raised this way are not going to see anything wrong in violence.

For me I don’t believe in beating children like animal as discipline. I am also not of the belief that letting them get away with bad behaviour is the answer. You have to find away to give appropriate punishment without damaging them physically and mentally as individuals.

At a function recently, A Nigerian woman pushed my son roughly out of the way because he didn’t get out fast enough for her to pass. I had to shout at her to not rough handle my child. This is what we African, especially Nigerians do. We hide these aggressive behaviours behind culture.

It is not cultural to take out your anger on another person, especially a young child. By the way this rude aggressive woman made no apologies she just walked off.

Parents who are not physically or mentally present cannot connect with their children. Buying them the most expensive things will not solve the problem. You have to engage. Think about when you were young what would you have wished that your parents did for you. For me- it is always to be understood. I felt nobody tried to understand me. I was just dictated to and I just follow. I can never let that happen to my children.

There is nothing simple about parenting, make no mistake about that. I find it daunting most of the time, especially since there is no One-size-fits-all parenting rules we can follow.

These children, especially the age group concerned, young teenagers are battling a lot. We all know of power tussle and social classifications that go on in secondary schools. added to this is social media and its atrocities. This is a period in their lives that are so confusing. They are struggling with their identities and learning to cope and survive among their peers.

This is where we as parents need to come in and guide. How they are raised will play a huge part in how they navigate this stage of their lives. I am not is support of those claiming that single parenting is the root of all these. I know for a fact that some amazing children have been raised by single parents. And some really awful individuals came from 2-parents families. It is neither here nor there.

Stability isn’t just about single parenting or 2-parents family. It is about how each home is managed. Some people will turn out to be what they want to be no matter how much the parents tried.

All children are not the same. But a case can always be made for parents who did their utmost best for their children. After all we have seen the dangers of forcing children to conform by all means.

I may not know much but I know that all human being crave love, care, and stability. It will take a huge of amount of determination for a child who grew up without a loving carer, neglected, abused, instability and violent circumstances to grow up normal.

Please, let’s do our best for every child in our care. My fellow Africans I beg you in the name of God.

Thanks a lot for reading. Please, your contributions to this post will be appreciated in the comment section below. Help by clicking like, and share with your friends. Also, don’t forget to join other subscribers to receive notifications of new posts by email. I appreciate it.

Stay with me,

Ruka

Stay with me,

Ruka

About Post Author

Ruka

My name is Ruka. Born and bred in Nigeria. Now living in Ireland. I am a Woman, Feminist, Wife, Mother, Muslim, Black, and African. I am an Entrepreneur who also works in Finance Administration. I am a Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Warrior. I love writing and hope to make a name for myself doing it.

rukaganiyu5@gmail.com

https://www.rukasplace.com

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