Africans Misconception Of Self-Care.

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Halloo,

Nobody should be guilty or made to feel guilty for making Self-Care a priority. This is extremely important to everyone. No matter where they come from, their race, their faith, their sex, or their gender.

This is a big problem in the African community. My observation is that my people are either not taking self-care seriously. Or doing it in a way that will eventually damage their mental health, and ultimately affects the people around them.

The touch word is Positive Self-Care.

What is self-care?

There are so many ways of defining Self-Care. I particularly like to put it simply as: Placing your needs before things you are obligated to do.

Many Africans will quickly point out to you that this is selfish. In fact, I had a heated argument with an African lady on Facebook about this a couple of years back. She said I was promoting selfishness, which goes against what the bible says. She went ahead to say maybe that is what Islam (my religion) promotes.

I was upset that she brought my religion into it. My post was never about religion. I only advised people to learn to put themselves first, once in a while. It is all about valuing yourself. That is what self-care is.

Unknown to this lady, many Muslims, like myself, do not support my stance on this issue. But l am a firm believer that Religion is a guide to our lives and not meant to cause us pain. So reasoning is needed. That is why God gave us brains.

Religion is a big thing among Africans, hence the belief that we have to practically kill ourselves in helping others. I am not sure what we are trying to prove. God will not judge you harshly if you put yourself first sometimes. I serve a merciful God. I don’t know about you!

Maybe this person will understand better if she had been through what I experienced in my hour of need. A period where I saw nobody help me but myself. I reached rock bottom with no one there to hold me up and showed me that I matter. I clawed my way back all by myself and under the grace of God.

I realized then that putting myself first is a thing I must start doing. I feel no qualms telling others to do the same. Don’t wait till you see the true colour of the people you are killing yourself for before you learn to make yourself a priority.

Nobody can pour from an empty cup. When you pause to place your needs above everything else, you are recharging your energy and mental health. This way you are in better shape to help others more. Your family and community will benefit more from you.

This is the reason I keep preaching and talking about Self-Care to those who care to listen. You don’t have to wait till you burn out before you recognize the importance of taking care of yourself, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

We shouldn’t feel guilty when we say ‘No’ sometimes, especially to things we do not like doing but feel obligated to do. This is one of the reasons many people are becoming depressed. We, society, place obligations on them and they have no option but to accept.

Some people are very happy when they are helping others. I am one of these people. I feel very fulfilled helping others. But it is crucial for me to understand not to forget myself. I have needs too. It is healthy to take time out to focus on myself.

Mental health problems are so common these days and according to Health Professionals, it is rapidly increasing. Many Africans do not even know they have mental health problems.

I see so many Africans misbehaving on social media. Cursing, fighting, and constituting nuisance in public. Even to my untrained eyes, I can tell they desperately need help.

Some desperate actions of these people make you wonder if they have friends and family at all. And the poor children of these people, are already damaged before they even have the opportunity to enjoy life.

We underestimate the amount of stress we are dealing with. Life is hard. Stress will not avoid you based on the colour of your skin. We have to take action towards a positive life balance. Self-Care is one of them.

Africans, it is not until we buy expensive fabrics, deck in gold jewelry, or move from one party to another that we can enjoy life. In fact, this is another slippery slope toward mental health problems.

Many Africans claimed the ‘partying’ way of life is how they practice self-care. Who am I to judge? We have to do what makes us happy. But in moderation.

I fail to see how painting your face in so many colours known to man is relaxing. I wonder how some people manage to lift their hands after lining their wrists with heavy metals in the name of fashion. This is not self-care, it is imprisonment. Totally my opinion. We really need to calm down.

For those of us living outside Africa, especially in cold countries, buying these Lace Fabrics(Aso Ebi) is beyond ridiculous. Some people buy this every week. Clothes you cant wear to work. Why? This is mental slavery.

Self-care shouldn’t be about going into debt. It shouldn’t be about turning your life into a circus. It is about making sure you are grounded. Who are you trying to impress anyway?

Self-care doesn’t have to be something very fancy, exotic, or very expensive. It could be as simple as just staying in bed to nap for a couple of hours or watching Netflix instead of getting up to clean your house.

You can choose to go have coffee with a friend instead of staying home to make lunch for your family (Take-out once in a while won’t kill them). Enjoying a Spa day instead of that dreaded community group meeting is allowed.

Some Africans, especially women, think working themselves to the bone makes them Martyrs. To take time out to give their skin a proper treat is hard for them. As a Skincare Entrepreneur, I see many women with skin desperately crying to be properly exfoliated. Mentioning skincare to this type of African woman will be met with indignation as if skincare is a sin and a wasteful activity.

How do you help others when you look and feel tired? You won’t inspire confidence, I can tell you that much.

Africans, our skin does not exempt us from mental health issues. I cannot count how many times many African have told me that I behave like a white woman. Simply because I tell them to take care of themselves in a positive way.

How Do We Practice Positive Self-Care Activities?

Self-Care can be as simple as doing everyday simple things. Things that bring you joy. Pleasurable things that you do for yourself.

Why not tune out to read, write, listen to music, dance, cook, knit, garden, take a long soak in the bath, make your hair, and watch a movie. Just do something for you. something you find totally enjoyable and relaxing.

If you are finding it hard to come up with things to do or things you enjoy. Think back to years gone by. Self-care is about Bringing joy to our souls. This may have been achieved at one point in your life.

Think back to when you were young before life got too complicated. what are those things you totally like doing? Revive them. Revisit your youth. Take a look back and get your mind to relax.

I particularly love listening to old music, music I grew up with. I have also started re-reading books I read as a teenager to see whether they still hold the same magic they did years back. I am loving it.

My fellow Africans let’s take control of our mental health and life by making sure we engage in positive acts of self-care. It is not selfish but a way to show kindness to yourself. You are valuable.

Thanks a lot for reading. Please, your contributions to this post will be appreciated in the comment section below. Help by clicking like, and share with your friends. Also, don’t forget to join other subscribers to receive notifications of new posts by email. I appreciate it.

Stay with me,

Ruka

Stay with me,

Ruka

About Post Author

Ruka

My name is Ruka. Born and bred in Nigeria. Now living in Ireland. I am a Woman, Feminist, Wife, Mother, Muslim, Black, and African. I am an Entrepreneur who also works in Finance Administration. I am a Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Warrior. I love writing and hope to make a name for myself doing it.

rukaganiyu5@gmail.com

https://www.rukasplace.com

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